A Lobster's Tale

There are certain givens in life: If you own a Rolex, then you’ve got one bitchin’ great watch to tell you what time it is. If the car you tool around town is a Porsche, then you’ve got a few jealous glances coming your way, for sure. And if your house that overlooks the canyon has eight rooms or more, then your palate is probably used to being treated to what are considered some of the more expensive treats on the menu at fine restaurants. And those treats would of course, include…lobster.

For myself I’m pretty much willing to try anything once. There is a certain weight to that statement after living for a year in Korea and three years in the Philippines. For example, a step in the preparation of some dishes in Korea includes burying rotten cabbage in clay pots over the course of the summer, which, under the hot Korean sun, puts a scent in the air that is never confused with a bed of roses. In all fairness though, once prepared, kimchi is quite tasty, whereas balut, or a Philippine rotten egg, is not.

That being said, we come back to lobster. My dad loved seafood. My mother and sister’s were so so. With the exception of tuna fish and clams. I didn’t love seafood. Tragic if for no other reason than I’m a native New Englander, growing up near the beach and fishing whenever I could. But as a lad in my teen years, I gave lobster its first try. It was a wash, a no go. Hated it. Everyone else raved about it. And that, I might add, is the general consensus that lobster is a delicacy, and one should embrace it. Nope, I thought it sucked. Over the years I gave it four more tries. More than anything else (food anyway). In such places as Maine (reputedly the best), a couple of different locations in the Pacific, and Boston. And my opinion has never waivered. Lobster sucks. In life, it is a scavenger that hangs around the ocean floor where all the ocean shit is and in death whenever I’ve tried to eat lobster, or crab, I’m thinkin’ this is like ocean shit, I’m sorry! I don’t get it. I don’t see the draw. Even with the melted butter. I’m sorry, get it outta here.

I truly believe that lobster has such a great reputation because of myth built up around it, that it is somehow special. Sorry, but the way I see it, it ain't happenin'. What I find annoying is how folks will go on about how great it is. “Maybe yours just wasn’t good”. You’re right, it sure wasn’t, and that would include every other time as well.

On the seafood front I'm trying to expand my horizons and have started preparing seafood that so far has worked out okay. Because fish is good for you, blah, blah, blah.

Hey, you like lobster, fine. I don’t. And I’m not missing out, either.

If this had been about pizza, it would have gone in a much more positive direction, oh yeah.

Made Scrambled Eggs This Morning

I have been kicking that Title around all day. Major league proof that Zoot is frighteningly right in her kick ass entry about how ones life can turn in a moment and suddenly it's all about the Blog and your one step up from a trekkie on the geek scale (AAAAAAGGGHHH!). Not necessarilty a bad thing, after all some pretty famous folks partake in this endeavor. Melanie Griffith and other celebrities. All things become how they relate (or don't) to the Blog.


Back to the original train of thought. I mentioned in the previous list of 100 things I just thought of...list that I like to cook. I really do, actually. Not like I want to have my own cooking show (which would be kinda cool) kind of cooking, but just cooking a little bit better than regular. For example, the Scrambled Eggs. I was feeding the family (four of us, all hungry, hence, prime experimentation time!) It went from the usual breaking a bunch of eggs and spatulaing the shit out of them to taking half a dozen eggs, cream (makes them rich and smooth) and cooking them over low heat for as long as ten minutes, and people let me tell ya, what happens is like magic. The eggs are (and I'm secure in my manhood, just so you know, using descriptors like this) light and fluffy! Not burned anywhere. Threw on some chives, avacado slices, salt, fresh ground pepper, and I don't mind saying they were awesome. The family scarfed them down, clamoring for more, and soon I realized I had yet another item to add to the repertoire, getting me closer to my life long goal of having alot of people over to the house for a real cool brunch (homemade hash browns - already on the menu).

Some readers have written asking that some items be expanded on (why lobster sucks, the physical proof that chickens are stupid, the crosswood puzzle answer, etc.). So today I was toying with the idea of a kind of viewer mail section, whereby I will address a topic that someone is curious about.

We'll see how it goes. Next guest request topic: Lobster!

and now for something completely different

I knew this was gonna happen. Less than a month in and I have to peak and tweak the site until, oh, what do we have here? A brandy new site!

As of yet, I'm still not tackling the big issues, war, our tragic economy, etc., but by gum, I will eventually get a satisfying new look!

Bigger issues tomorrow. And just so you know, I think war sucks, our tragic economy sucks, and etc., especially etc., always sucks.

Future topics:
turkey hotdogs vs. pizza
why lobster isn't worth it
Chicago is the best
Living in but never coming to terms with a world that includes static electricity
Stephen King ( I think I better run out for some beer on that one. I'm sure that will take awhile.)
The foolishness that drives chickens
And of course, the magic that is Krispy Kreme Donuts!

First 100 Things I thought of.... (76 - Fin!)

76.) I really like archaic words and try to use them whenever possible. Numbskull and chucklehead are amongst my favorites.
77.) Fresh mowed grass.
78.) Was shocked and disappointed by the size of: the Alamo, and the Liberty Bell.
79.) Little known fact: Neil Armstrong actually had a few different choices before he settled on, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."
80.) Parking meters suck
81.) Guilty pleasure: Disney’s Hercules
82.) Although they intrigue me, I don’t have any tattoos.
83.) Quantum Leap was another great one.
84.) I’m always surprised at who the real friends turn out to be.
85.) I liked 8-track tapes.
86.) Yes, I really had an 8-track tape player in my car.
87.) Favorite Title for a Book: It’s a tie between, "No is a complete sentence", and, "Woe is I", a book on grammar.
88.) Guilty Pleasure: Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957) from the IMDB: Plot Outline: People are trapped on a shrinking island by intelligent, brain-eating giant crabs. ‘nough said.
89.) I’ve only had the room spin once during early days of drinking, and only one hangover (not the same occasion) that would qualify as really bad. That time my hair hurt.
90.) Don’t smoke. Have tried in earnest a few times.
91.) Have given up all New Year’s resolutions except the one where I plan to gain five pounds over the following year.
92.) On cross country trip at the end of March about 14 years ago, drove six hours out of the way to checkout Yellowstone National Park. It opens in April.
93.) Cookouts.
94.) Stayed in this motel in Butte, Montana was next door to a Dairy Queen. The order/pickup window was 50 ft from the door of our room. I’m getting a little misty about that even now. It was sweet.
95.) Didn’t know until a few years ago that ’20,000 Leagues Under the Sea’ was across and not down. I felt like such a moron.
96.) Favorite Singer: Melissa Etheridge.
97.) Sad that Michael Jackson’s music will be lost in the shuffle.
98.) Meanest Character: The Grinch, and Most Favorite Line: "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied, "There's
a light on this tree that won't light on one side. "
99.) Voyager, highly underrated show.
100.) I appreciate all who took the time to read these.

First 100 things I thought of... (51-75)

51.) I don’t play any sports. Don’t know much about sports. My Dad took me to hockey games when I was a kid so I know something about hockey, and of all the sports, I favor hockey most. Soccer wasn’t popular yet when I was a kid. I would have played it if it had been. I made sure my kids played it.
52.) Since seeing ‘Jaws’, have been in the ocean give or take about 5 times. I just can’t get past the notion that no matter what, you can only move slower than any other creature in the water. I view this as a great disadvantage. The irony here is that I grew up, and in fact currently live, near the Atlantic Ocean.
53.) Love to fly. Used to do it a lot.
54.) I used to go to New York City and because of that I felt I had experienced a pretty broad range of people. That is until I entered military basic training. There I met people who just didn’t believe that we could even get near the moon, let alone walk on it. It was traumatic actually.
55.) I hate people who talk during movies. I don’t wish them dead, well actually, yeah, until the end of the movie, would be okay.
56.) Not much of a reader or writer. I’m trying to fix that with this.
57.) Albuquerque, New Mexico is a very cool place.
58.) Places I would like to visit: Africa, Austria, Antarctic, (I guess I just need an A at the beginning and I’m there).
59.) Lived near Mt Pinatubo, pre-eruption.
60.) Have owned 10 cars and one motorcycle. All in all the ’86 Corolla LE was the best and favorite.
61.) Love camping and fishing. I don’t consider fishing a sport. To me it’s more of a concept, and more irony considering the Jaws thing.
62.) Getting to be a pretty decent cook. I love the Food Network’s Food 911. Unlike all the other cooking shows, the foods prepared on this one are possible for regular people to make.
63.) Brownies and ice cream are never wrong.
64.) Favorite color: blue
65.) I love overlooking big cities at night. A favorite memory is lifting off the ground from LAX and seeing the Los Angeles and Oakland at night.
66.) I hate static electricity.
67.) At the right moment lemonade is perfect.
68.) Dave Letterman and Conan O’Brien.
69.) I love having an office.
70.) I wish I knew more about computers.
71.) Saw a jet fighter crash. The pilot and navigator ejected safely but the aircraft hit a truck on the ground and someone was killed.
72.) I miss quirky shows like St.Elsewhere and Northern Exposure.
73.) With the exception of The Apprentice, I hate Reality tv.
74.) LLBean is the best of it’s kind.
75.) I’ve got a love hate relationship with IM. To me IM is like a long car ride with someone you kinda know. You really don't have enough conversation to sustain, but you feel obligated to talk because they're there. Seeing someone online is like that.

First 100 things I thought of.... (26 - 50)

26.) Proudest crossword puzzle moment: 8-letter word for, ‘tundra feature’. It took two fuckin’ days, but I got it.
27.) Best blogging moment so far: Getting you to erroneously believe I’m gonna tell you what it took me two fuckin’ days to figure out. Yeah, right.
28.) Funniest movie moment: The Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
29.) I’ve driven cross country (Boston, Ma to Spokane, Wa) twice. I’m from New England where in six hours you can touch six states (in more than one combination). Seeing the Rockies off in the distance for days was awe-inspiring.
30.) Alaska is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. And moose is/are ugly.
31.) Favorite authors; Arthur Miller, John Steinbeck, Stephen King (Cujo is my favorite, but I think The Stand was his best. "M-O-O-N, that spells (insert anything)". “Laws, yes.” – Tom Cullen). I still chuckle when I think of the woman that approached me when I worked in the bookstore and said she was having difficulty trying to find the Cliff Notes on Stephen King.
32.) Love Charlie Brown’s Christmas, The Grinch who stole Christmas, and Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol.
33.) After living in the Philippines for three years and Korea for one year, I now know that you can never be too hot, BUT you CAN be too cold. I can’t begin to tell ya how much it sucks when it’s too cold.
34.) Was forced to read The Hobbit and the other books in high school. This traumatic event still haunts me now in that I hate the Lord of the Rings. To me it’s just a special effects movie.
35.) Favorite quote: ‘Isn’t it pretty to think so…’, Hemingway.
36.) ‘The Tick’ is the funniest cartoon. SPOOOOOON (The Simpsons are like a whole different category).
37.) Saw a double rainbow once.
38.) Saw a herd of monkeys
39.) Saw a group of dead trees with dead leaves that turned out to be hundreds of fruit bats.
40.) Saw a cobra in the ‘wild’ once. There is no such thing as a comfort zone in that situation.
41.) Many people say they hate, and they would be happy to not work. Then they’re on vacation for a couple of weeks and pissin’ and moanin about wanting to get back to work. I do not suffer in that area. I really ‘could’ not work ever again.
42.) When my best friend turned 18 (my 18th birthday was a week earlier) we went down to the Fowler Memorial building to register for The Draft. A nice older woman there advised to go on home as Congress was deciding on the question of The Draft. The Draft ended the next week . They still got me because I joined the Air Force six years later. I had a great time.
43.) Was an extra in a few war movies. Met Chuck Norris, who is incredibly cool and completely different in real life. He told many stories and was very animated.
44.) Tried crossing a knee-deep river once. Water was moving very fast. Could not keep balance at all. Much comedy ensued.
45.) I hate country music…and bowling. I’m sure that I’m doomed to come back as a country music singing-bowling champion.
46.) And about singing. God has told me personally to never sing. Ever. I mentioned, in the shower, perhaps? He said no.
47.) Arnold Schwarzenegger and I have the same birthday, although I’m much younger and an inch taller. The main goal for me here was to get you to imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger when you think of me.
48.) Did I mention I don’t like lobster.
49.) I have a great deal of respect for Sylvester Stallone. I think he’s way underrated.
50.) I think it would be cool to work for the National Geographic

First 100 things I thought of…. (25 at a time)

1.) I don’t like lobster. I have given it many tries, because I believe in trying anything once. Lobster has gotten 5 tries and it’s over.
2.) The new format for TV guide sucks so much I can’t stand it. TV guide is a monopoly though. You can’t go anywhere else for a magazine that lists all the channels and what’s on. When I look at it, I want to know what’s on TV not (and this is no slight on the movies, because I love the movies) what’s going on in the fuckin’ movies!
3.) Glad to see winter go. Dry air. Enough said.
4.) For the first time my work schedule did not conflict with my brother-in-laws St.Patrick’s day party. This is great because my sister-law serves the best corned beef on, well…Earth.
5.) DisneyWorld is the happiest place on Earth. It’s the ultimate vacation, and even spent the honeymoon there.
6.) Pizza is the most perfect food.
7.) Chicago is my favorite city. I grew up and currently live in New England, I love it there too, but bar none Chicago is the most fun major metropolis.
8.) Family Reunions are very cool. I attended my second one in Iowa (kinda cool state…too much corn, too flat). Connecting with family is an amazing thing.
9.) There is no bad weather, just the wrong clothes.
10.) Chickens are really stupid. (I know that this is a widely accepted idea already, I mention it only because I’ve witnessed them being stupid first hand...really stupid.)
11.) Apple pie and Strawberry Shortcake run an incredibly close second to pizza. Pizza surpasses them only because you can’t eat the other two every day.
12.) The Apprentice is must see TV.
13.) I make the best Whiskey Cake in the world, and still entertain notions of marketing it. Those who have partaken of it have suggested that.
14.) Nothing better musically as a decade than the 80’s.
15.) Dunkin Donuts coffee and Krispy Kreme donuts. Best combo.
16.) Trains are cool.
17.) Parents divorced when I was a teenager. Many issues that still haunt.
18.) I have a belief system. I honor everyone else’s belief systems. I do not generally discuss religion. Ever. I do not accept anyone else’s belief system. Ever.
19.) I like Yoohoo and Dr. Pepper. Once in a while, not like all the time.
20.) I strongly associate songs with events.
21.) Don’t have any kind of fuckin’ clue as to why Bush is in the White House. I liked Bush, Sr. I thought he did a great job. I thought he was very presidential. I for the life me don’t understand how that monkey of a son got in the Oval Office.
22.) I hate laundry.
23.) Thanksgiving is the best holiday. Period.
24.) Was in the Air Force for 8 years, 5 months, and 23 days. Enjoyed it, but it was not a family oriented environment, so I got out, taking with me, the wife and a couple of kids. During the time in, I saw and lived in many places including, but not limited to; Korea, the Philippines, Washington state, and just outside of Boston, etc.
25.) Had many animals over my lifetime, I believe the best was our cat, Buster, whom we referred to as a horse-in-a-cheap-cat-suit. Anger and malice were not in his dictionary. Neither were exercise or activity. Food was though, and sleep. Good lord, how he could sleep. His heart attacked him at the tender age of 8 and a half, and took him prematurely someplace where he is no doubt sleeping, as that is what he favored most.

Early Days

I have to say now that after a few weeks of getting into this web thing, I am not overwhelmed but very awestruck at the magnitude. Thousands of weblogs! I have just been going nuts reading other journals, not necessarily for ideas (although I have been known to be ethically challenged), but for exposure to what's out there. And some of it, Geez, is really out there.

My favorite job (in the whole world, that I ever had) was a few years ago, working for a major bookstore chain. I loved it because it was a special kind of retail. It wasn't like food, which could attack patrons internally, making them the upset customer (or upchucking, as it were). It wasn't like subjective fashion (lying to ugly people that the outfit really does work, or, "no you can't return it with the big stain"). It was BOOKS. And for me it was always a matter of whomever entered the store, at a minimum, you knew they could read. Never any tension either, because it was just books. Actually, the atmosphere was great because people were glad you could find what they wanted.

I was just reading this second paragraph and trying to imagine why I brought this up, and it was, oh yeah, it was because of the good feeling surrounding the printed word, in the bookstore, and now for me on the web. Thousands of logs/journals with people communicating thoughts. Some expressing better than others, but just the fact that there is so much exchange going on is amazing.

Still moving in

Not ready yet to post any wisdom that will change the course of rivers, make life better for humankind, etc. I'm still unpacking and getting a few things in order.

Scoping the neighborhood

Welcome to anyone coming here for the first time. I'm in the very difficult process of figuring out how this seemingly simple process works. Mechanically and socially this is a rough road. I understand the internet involves like everyone on, well,...Earth. And as I've jumped into the fray, I have read and met (virtually, so at least half of them could be in fact, ugly) incredible people.

So at least at this point I'm way open to advice and tips.

The stage direction says

Enter laughing