Saying Goodbye to Old Friends

I’m writing this now based on this post by So the Fish Said... It is a wonderful monologue to a friend gone by, questioning not so much why the friendship faded but more to let’s get past it and be friend’s again.
Most of my life has been about watching people fade in and out with many friendships based on situations. There was the guy when I was stationed in the Philippines who worked in the same as me (I worked radios and radar for F4 jet fighters, and yes it was a cool job). We became fast and steady friends. Our wives were amenable to each other. Well time went by and I was sent back to the states, then he was sent someplace else and we spoke on the phone a few times but that’s 20 years ago now.
I do confess while writing this I took a look at White Pages to see what the odds were for getting in touch with him and 300 listings for his name came back, and well, I’m not that aggressive. I would like to talk to him again, though. He was a lot of fun to be around.
I have actively searched Classmates.com for kids (Ha! They’re in there late forties now) that I went to school with. I went to a private high school for boys, so I really focus on my elementary school because those were the kids I grew up with in my neighborhood. I have had success in at least connecting via email with one of the girls (that I haven’t seen since we were thirteen) so that is kind of a rush. I think the desire to connect with the past in that way is really driven by a want to have someone who was there. Someone who knows what you were going through because they were there too. It really is reconnecting with childhood.
Of course, they’re grown now and have a lifetime of different experience that makes them who they are now, but if you can just get a flash of recognition of that common experience then you’ve achieved a goal.
The hardest thing about friend’s that have drifted away is when it happened because of some ‘thing’. An incident where a grudge has formed. From my own experience, I never forget. Ever. It is such a crippling thing and I truly marvel at the folks who can let things go. I know intellectually that is the way to handle it. One will be healthier and live a long fantastic life, but that is not my way.
I suppose it only fair to mention here that I periodically look back over different slices of my life and realize, oh, yeah, I certainly was a major asshole at that particular juncture. This is important in that it figures in greatly when I am going to put myself out there for someone to contact. I wonder why would they want to?

Litany for Thanksgiving by The Rev. Max Coots

Let me say that there is as much thanks to be given
for the gift of people as there is for the harvest
of fields. We ought to count friends more gratefully
than the images of gardens, pantries, and cellar
shelves. We ought to savor friendships and loves
as much or more than we do shapes, tastes, and
textures, of all the fruits of the fall...

So instead of the usual, let me say: Let us give
thanks for a bounty of people. For children, who are
our second planting, and though they grow like weeds
and the wind too soon blows them away, may they
forgive us our cultivation and remember fondly where
their roots are.

I just can't help it. When it comes this time of
year, I just can't help it. Maybe it's the harvest
moon.

So let us give thanks:

For generous friends...with hearts as big as hubbards
and smiles as bright as their blossoms;

For fiesty friends as tart as apples;

For continuous friends, who, like scallions and cucumbers,
keep reminding us that we've had them;

For crotchety friends, as sour as rhubarb, and as
indestructible;

For handsome friends who are as gorgeous as eggplants
and as elegant as a row of corn, and the others, as plain
as potatoes, and so good for you;

For funny friends, who are as silly as Brussel Sprouts
and amusing as Jerusalem artichokes, and serious friends,
as complex as cauliflowers and as intricate as onions;

For friends as unpretentious as cabbages, as subtle as
summer squash, as persistent as parsley, as delightful
as dill, as endless as zucchini, and who, like parsnips,
can be counted on to see you through the long winter;

For old friends, nodding like sunflowers in the evening
time, and young friends, coming on as fast as radishes;

For loving friends, who wind around us like tendrils, and
hold us despite our blights, wilts, and witherings;

And, finally, for those friends, now gone, like gardens
past, that have been harvested, but who fed us in their
times that we might have life thereafter;

For all these we give our thanks.

Amen.